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Chapter 5: How to End a Conversation
Chances are in your life you've found yourself trapped in a conversation when you really don't have time to talk. If it's over the phone or face to face, you'll probably find it particularly bad. How can you tell someone you don't have time to talk- and what if they say that you do? You need a way to get out of that conversation, and fast. Chances are you've already tried all the tricks in chapter four, and they either didn't work, or are unavailable. Maybe you don't have time to walk away and then come back. Maybe walking away means they think it's time to walk and talk. Maybe none of those are available. If so- never fear. We at The Guide have come up with another bunch of tips on avoiding conversations. Read on to find out how to avoid all those unwanted conversations.
Be a killjoy.
No one wants to be depressed. Most people also don't know what to say to something depressing. And if they do, chances are you can play off not talking because you're depressed. There are several ways to do this. Our favorites are saying things along the lines of:
"I went to the wake of a two year old yesterday."
"I haven't seen my friend smile since her dog died."
These usually do the trick of making people shut up.
Taking a phone call.
This is a classic, but is also very do-able. If you have your cellphone along when you're in an unfortunate conversation, text someone and tell them to call you to get you out of a conversation. Or, if no one is available, set your alarm to go off in a minute past, with your ringtone as the alarm tone. Pretend that someone is calling you, walk away and take their call. If you're having a conversation on the phone, do the opposite. Pretend that someone is calling you away from the phone to go do something like load the dishwasher.
Invite someone else to join your conversation.
Granted it won't necessarily end the conversation, but it'll might cause the conversation to become more interesting. In a best case scenario, the person who was annoying you and the person you invited to talk might start talking and you can slip away.
Bombard them with random facts.
It's a sad fact, but most people don't really want to learn about the working conditions of seven year olds in a cotton mill in Britain during the Industrial Revolution. Using random facts like that on people will generally get them to think that you're too weird to talk to. Or, it might convince them to leave you alone. Or, worst case scenario, you've reinforced your memory on western civilization.
Here are a few facts to get you started:
Sharks die if they don't keep swimming.
The youngest chimney sweeps during the Victorian era were four years old.
King Richard the Lion Hearted was probably gay.
Your ears create more earwax when you're stressed.
Lions sleep for more than 20 hours each day.
Pretend to lose use of your legs.
Talk to yourself.
Start reminding yourself of stuff you have to do. Rant about people you don't like. Discuss all the homework that you have to do in the next week. Chances are if you do this, people will stop talking to you.
Remember, if all else fails, just tell them that you can't talk. And if they say you can- keep insisting. Sometimes people really are okay at listening.
Have fun ending conversations!