Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Things Girl Scouts Will Never Tell You.

Two days ago was the last day that I was allowed to sell girl scout cookies. Therefore, it was the day that I got home from church, yanked on my boots and coat, and marched outside to go door to door down our street, selling the darn things.
As a Girl Scout for almost six years, I feel that I have acquired a list of things that Girl Scouts would love to yell at you, but won't, for fear of losing customers.
Therefore, I have decided to vent as a somewhat anonymous person, on this blog. Somewhat because I know that no one on my street even reads this blog, or even knows who I am. Therefore, I feel relatively safe ranting here.

Things Girl Scouts Won't Tell You:

  1. Fill the stupid form out yourself. If you think that it's hard for you with seeing problems to fill out a little, tiny, minuscule bar with your name and address, try doing it with snowy mittens and without any hard surface to write against.
  2. No, I don't have hearing or seeing problems. I clearly heard you say "these and these and these", while pointing at the form and then handing it back to me. I however do not have x-ray vision or mind reading abilities. If you'll let me know where to buy those, I'll be sure to pick some up immediately.
  3. Despite what you may have heard, inviting me into your home does not make me feel more comfortable. Instead, it puts me in an awkward position between obeying my mother's rule not to enter people's houses, and the wish to get my legs back to a relative warmth.
  4. If you absolutely MUST have two doors with doorbells, please put a welcome mat under the one you want me to go to, or I'm afraid I'll just stand there looking slightly stupid before giving up and leaving.
  5. Honestly, if you don't want to buy cookies, just say, "No thank you". I don't really want to hear about how your niece/daughter/granddaughter/students/etc. are selling cookies.
  6. In fact, don't tell me about how you don't eat sugar either. A polite "no" is much better than a lengthier description. I've come to your house to harass you to buy cookies, not to chat. Once I know that you are not open for buying anything, I don't care about you and I want to leave. End of story.
  7. Don't ask me where I live. That's a little creepy.
  8. If I say a box is four dollars, it's four dollars. It isn't $3.50, $7.99, or any other crazy number you can come up with. If you continue to question me, I don't know what I'm going to do.
  9. Honestly, I don't care what number order you are. So just skip counting down the people.
  10. Check or cash? Well, with cash, all you have to do is hand it to me, and all I have to do is shove it in an envelope. Check? Well, you have to question me fifteen billion times on who to make it out too, then search frantically for a pen while I'm standing there holding one, write the check, and then hand it to me. Then I have to look at it, curse quietly in my head because you've made it out to the wrong person, smile, shove it in the envelope, and walk away from the house, mentally facepalming. Now, which of these options seems easier?

There you go. My list of "What Girl Scouts Will Never Tell You."

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Offset by Luke Alistar, and why you should buy it.

Here is a book that you should all be looking at and seriously considering buying.

Because the author, Luke, is one of my friends ("brother" actually) over my One Year Adventure Novel forum.

Because I have begun reading one of his other books, "Circle of Three" and it was (I stopped, because he didn't need my critiques as much as other people did), completely absorbing.

Because my friend Belle says that the book is awesome.
(as well as half the forum who actually have time to read his book.)

Because the cover has a clock on it.

Because the synopsis is wicked AWESOME, man!

Because *I* am personally going to tell my mom that THAT BOOK is what I want for my birthday, and then I'm going to REVIEW it and he's going to become an awesome famous author.

Because, frankly, it's a nice thing to do and he deserves it.


so head over to that site, and buy it. It's paperback, it's only $11.00, and here's the synopsis:

A genius is near to unlocking the secrets of time travel…in his garage. If he succeeds, he will be able to undo a terrible tragedy. But he is not the only one who has a use for time travel. Soon he is embroiled in a lethal game of cat and mouse. He’s the mouse…there’s more than one cat…and everyone knows the game won’t end until somebody’s dead. But who knows what awaits him in the past?

Friday, January 14, 2011

National Hat Day!

National Hat Day is on January 15th. I just learned this, via Cake Wrecks. (xD)
I felt the need to alert you all to this.
And to the fact that, personally, I shall be participating in this fantastic holiday!!
So, I encourage all of you to join me in wearing hats tomorrow.
Any Hat.
Choose a Hat.
Any Hat.

Personally, I have only a few hats to choose from *sniffle*, but the ones I have are epic. I have a red tam that I knit myself (yiiipppeeeeeeeee it's done...), a blue camouflage baseball type hat, and... well, actually, that's about it. I think I'll go with the tam.

So, I have a sort of contest/challenge for all of you readers. (all of you? Do I even have readers? xP Oh, and thank you, Cat :D, for reading my blog! It means a lot to me. :) ) The challenge is: not only must you wear a hat tomorrow (any hat...), but if you can get a picture of yourself in that hat, post it on your blog, then put the link in a comment. I'll do the same! :D

I'm not sure I'll get any links at all, but hey, it's worth a try, right?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Why undecorating the living room is like headdesking repeatedly.

I just got done helping my mom undecorate the living room, again. I say again, because it's always the same process every year. And considering the fact that I probably started helping to undecorate the tree when I was about... three... that's about... almost eleven years of undecorating. Phew.
The thing about undecorating is that everything seems soooooo much harder than it seemed when we were putting everything UP. For example: we have about five boxes of Christmas ornaments. When we're putting these up, it definitely seems like a lot, but it's good fun going through them all.. "Hey, Valerie! Here's your 'Baby's First Christmas' ornament!" "oooooh! Here's the Angel ornaments that Aunt Laura gave us all!" "Gasp! I remember buying these!" "Oh wow! My ballerina ornament has only lost ONE hand this year!" But taking them down? It feels like we have five HUNDRED boxes of ornaments to pack up! And we have to take every single one down... not to mention all the special statues and everything... and the garland... and the stockings... and the stocking hangers... and... and..
All the while my head is being attacked by my brother's senseless noise making. He doesn't even have anything to say- I think he just makes senseless noise because he wants to hear his own voice.

And so, if you want an accurate feeling of my head when I'm done undecorating, slam your head into the wall repeatedly, while blasting Three Days Grace and Nickelback (bands I was listening to on my ipod while undecorating...), add random, pointless, squeaky words, and then add a large dose of pine needles.
There you go.
One pessimistic's view on undecorating for the Holidays.
You're welcome.