To be honest, when I put up that post, I wasn't expecting that sort of response. I was expecting what usually happens- people just shrug and move on.
But that didn't happen.
I think there's a couple of reasons that it got a bad reaction.
First of all... Everyone loves Valerie. (I love Valerie!) and no one likes it when someone rants about someone that they love.
Second of all, you don't go and read a blog to listen to someone ranting. In fact, you don't go to hear negative stuff. At least I don't. So, hearing me rant probably wasn't a good move.
Thirdly, I don't think anyone wants to believe that I have a low self esteem, at all, at any point in my life.
But I also think that a lot of people didn't understand the post. No, I'm not pulling a Sandy Laurence and claiming that my entire audience needs reading comprehension classes and that that wasn't really what I meant and that I just didn't have enough room to type out everything or anything. I understand that I did not write it correctly, that it was rather mean, and that it probably wasn't something I should put out on my blog.
If you'll allow me to clarify my post, however...
When I'm referring to how people are always wishing I was extroverted like my sister, I realize I said that "everyone but my mom" wanted me to be that way. I realize that that was incorrect- I realized that at the time I was writing it too. I'm sorry to everyone who felt annoyed/hurt at that phrasing.
Another thing that I didn't really mention in my post all that much... I do not want to be an extrovert! I am perfectly happy with who I am. I like being an innie. I like being able to sit and people watch. I enjoy being myself, and I wouldn't change if I could.
Yet another (geesh, how incorrect/inaccurate was this post?!) thing I didn't really clarify is that there are actually people who prefer to be around me than to be around my sister. At least at times. I'm not really sure why this is, but it quite possibly springs from the facts that I don't wear poodle skirts and I can have a conversation without mentioning celebs/fashion week/makeup. Just a guess.
Still one more item I haven't addressed yet... that I am not jealous of the way that Valerie dresses. I mean, sure, there have been times where I wish I could look a little more like her. Less tall/thin/awkward than I do now. But then I realize that... that we were made the way we are for a reason! I have a facial shape that practically forces me to have short (read: chin length) hair, which is a good thing, since I don't have time/patience to deal with more styling! Valerie hasn't as good skin as I do (just a fact) which works out okay because, like before, she has waaaaaay more patience with putting on facial crap than I do. I have eczema, which works out since it means that I do at least a little of the whole... makeup [shudder] thing.
Again, I just want to mention that while, yes, I'm jealous of Valerie, I don't want to be her. Yes, it's nice when I can talk to my friends and have them be my friends and talk to them by myself, and it would be nice to be able to walk into the middle of a crowd and be perfectly at ease, or to be able to have 50,000,000,000,000 friends, or be able to not be scared to act like an idiot. But on the other hand... I like who I am. I like being able to think things through. I think I make better choices than a lot of teens do, because I'm scared to look like an idiot, because I think things through three times before I say/do them. I like how I look, I like how I dress. I like what music I listen to, I like what books I write. I enjoy playing piano, and I don't want to learn violin. I like being a sarcastic, witty person. It's okay to me that various people still describe me as "cute". I don't mind that. I don't mind sitting in a corner during a dance and watching everyone having fun. I don't like it when I'm having a bad day and someone texts me and says, "oh my goodness, that is the best day in the WORLD", but I don't mind not being part of the fun.
At least not at parties..
On a side note, I am going to a party tonight. In fact, it's going to be pretty awesome, and I get to see my friends. Yes, Valerie is going. Yes, she's wearing her halloween costume and is completely going to embarrass me. Yes, I'm probably going to spend most of the time sitting in the basement, or just avoiding people. I'm quite possibly going to get mad at someone during the course of th (and this is where blogger signed me out and I'm thankful for autosave) course of the night, but I'm still going to have fun.
Because I want to.
Anyway, I hope that cleared everything up, and if it didn't... and if you're still mad/curious/sad that I posted that previous post, feel free to email me the question.