Friday, September 2, 2011

How to Ignore People

Are you sick of people telling you JUST TO IGNORE THEM? Do you hate it when you need to IGNORE SOMEONE but CAN'T?
Do you suffer from the INABILITY TO IGNORE whoever you want to?
Have you found yourself ANSWERING THE PERSON even though you swore you would ignore them?
If you've answered YES to any of the above YOU NEED THIS GUIDE!
The Guide is a COMPREHENSIVE, EASY TO USE guide for all of life's problems*.
Call 123-456-7890** to buy the guide for only $69.99!

*The Guide is not guarenteed to prevent paper cuts, save your cat from a tree, or save you from a sasquatch.
**Like I always say. Not a real number. I think. Anyone want to try it and tell me what happens? ;)

Chapter One: How to Ignore People (The Right Way)

   Chances are good that you have been told at least once in your life to "just ignore them."
   Chances are also probably good that you have either been unable to resist making a sarcastic remark to them, engaging in regular conversation, or have been unable to stop them from getting on your nerves. You probably find yourself wondering why they tell you to ignore someone... When it's obvious that ignoring someone is never going to work.
   Chances are good you've never read this chapter before.

   It is, in fact, possible to ignore someone. If you ever find yourself zoning out while your mother is lecturing you, you are ignoring her. If you ever find yourself forgetting to respond to that text message, you're (accidentally) ignoring the person.
   But how do you harness that power? How do you channel it and actually use it to ignore your annoying sister? Or that jerk who sits next to you in class? How do you prevent yourself from screaming when someone continues to bug me?
   Well, chances are it changes from person to person. But the staff here at The Guide Inc. have found a few tried and true methods of ignoring someone.

  1. Think about something else. This may seem obvious, but often times we are so caught up in ignoring someone, that we aren't. So, go ahead. Completely forget that someone is sitting there. Think about how you're flunking math. Think about what you'd do if an agent randomly came up to you and told you that you were going to become an international singing sensation. Tell a story in your head. Ask yourself impossible questions (Did the chicken or the egg come first...?). Go ahead.
  2. Eavesdrop. If it's at all possible, focus on someone else's conversation. If your sister and her friend are in the back seat, listen to what they're saying. If your friends are having a conversation a few feet away, try to lip-read what they're saying.
  3. Observe your surroundings. If there's no one to eavesdrop on, and you can't make yourself focus on thoughts, find something to look at.  Look at a tree. "Wow. That's a green tree." It's okay to sound obvious. After all, it's just in your head.
  4. Get a song stuck in your head. This is another thing to focus on. Start singing a song in your head. Hum it out loud. Just focus on the song. Choose a really catchy one. If you already have a song in your head... Great! Just focus on the song, and chances are you'll get so caught up singing in your head that you won't notice what the person is saying.
   The last tip that we can offer is to focus on what is making you zone out when your mom is talking. Figure out what it is, and use it later.
   Have fun ignoring people...
   If you were even paying attention to this chapter, that is.

1 comment:

Rose said...

your blog saved my life.
it did.