Thursday, June 2, 2011

How to Avoid Talking About Things You Don't Want to Talk About

Are you sick of having uncomfortable talks with your parents?
Are you tired of having to put up with the horrible talk from your peers and coworkers?
Do you run and hide whenever you see a certain person coming, because you know that they're just going to talk to you and set you up for an insult?
Do you find these posts irritating?
To avoid all those uncomfortable conversations?

If so, this guide is for you! Filled with insightful tips on how to avoid conversations, The Guide is bound to solve all your problems*!
In this comprehensive guide, you will find instructions on how to avoid questions, avoid conversations, and much more!
For a limited time now, you can buy it for only $9.99!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember, this is a one time offer!
Call 123-456-7890** to buy!!!!!

*Not guaranteed to feed, clothe, bathe, and socialize the reader.
**again. I don't know what would happen if you called that. :)

Chapter 4: How to Avoid Talking About Things You Don't Want To Talk About

   If you've paged open to this chapter, you're probably facing some crisis on a near daily basis where someone, whether it be your coworker, family member, peer, teacher, or just random person off the street, engages you in a conversation on a topic you really don't care about, or feel uncomfortable talking about, or that makes you feel insulted.
   Never fear. There are ways to avoid conversations... And although they are not guaranteed to work for every case, often they will do the job. There are five techniques we will be covering in this chapter. The "pretend you don't know what they're talking about"*, "give them an odd expression"*, "change the subject", "Walk Away", and "answer with random things".

*My mom has said that I have to credit her for these two.

   Some of the techniques have been covered in other chapters, so we shall not cover them again in this one. Please see Chapter Two, How to Avoid Answering Questions You Don't Want to Answer, for the method on changing the subject, and Chapter Three, How to Reply When There is No Reply, for the technique of answering with a random sentence or phrase.
    We shall now continue with the other two.

   Pretend You Don't Know What They're Talking About.   
   This is a fairly simple approach. All you have to do is pretend that you have no clue what they're saying. Let us take a look at two different conversations, one using this approach, and one not.

   Mom: So. I heard that you flunked your math test.
   You: Well... Um.....
   Mom: Grounded!

And here is the conversation, with you pretending you have no clue what your mom is saying.

   Mom: So. I heard that you flunked your math test.
   You: Sorry?
   Mom: did you fail your test?
   You: Could you repeat that?
   Mom: Did. You. Fail. Your. Math. Test?
   You: Sorry mom, but honestly, I have no clue what you're saying. I'm going to go to bed now, okay?
   Mom: Not until you tell me if you flunked your test!
   You: Oh! A test?! So that's what you're talking about!
   Mom: *sigh* I'm going to go make dinner.*
  *Not recommended in use during real grade-talks. Your education is important. The Guide does not take responsibility for any failed lives.
     As you can see, that was a lot more productive. Even if you eventually have to own up to the failed math test (which you will), you can bring it up on your own time and in your own terms. This way you are not caught unawares.
   Let us look at the second technique.

   Give the person an odd expression*.   An odd expression can be anything from widening your eyes at them, to giving them the "you have something on your teeth" look, to contorting your face into something that might resemble an alien. This is a hard technique to demonstrate in this Guide, but the important thing is not to stop giving them the look until they walk away. Once they do that, you are free to abandon the possibly painful pose and go discuss Justin Beiber** with your friends.

*This comes from a YouTube video, of which I have only watched the first half. The Guide does not claim copyrights for this.
**The Guide does not own the brand Justin Beiber. The Guide does not take responsibility for any injuries acquired from raving fan girls.

   Walk away.  This is a very simple technique, but is not recommended for conversations involving a car. To walk away from someone, it is most important to part with some excuse for leaving, saying goodbye, or using some random, conclusive phrase. Otherwise, the other person is prone to thinking you want them to walk with you, and the method is no longer useful.

   These techniques, while useful by themselves, are usually more effective if you use them along with another method, such as Changing the Subject, Random Phrases, and/or just walking away.

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