Text abbreviations: A guide.

Hello. It has come to my attention that many of you (*cough*adults*cough*) people out there have been misusing text abbreviations and phrases. This is a grave error. Not only does it convey the sense that you do not know how technology works, that you cannot communicate over texts (le gasp!), and that you are perhaps.. could it be... unfamiliar with the phrases?! But it also makes people cock their heads to the side and look at your text message/email/letter with confusion, because you have not replied in the correct way, or you have used the wrong word/phrase.
Therefore, and for your convenience, I have decided to provide a short guide to the confusing world of lols, brbs, and even 'sup s.

Word or phrase: brb
Definition: The common, and well known definition of "brb" is "be right back". However, brb is often used with this, fairly secretive, and rarely voiced, definition: "I am going to leave for anywhere between five minutes and an hour, but I still want to bother you with my chatter, so I'm going to leave you hanging here, afraid to put away your phone/close your email, because you don't want to offend me. Have a nice day!"
Similar words or phrases: "tty after"
How to respond: "kk", "ok", "okey dokey" "okey dokey artichokey" (a personal favorite of mine)

Word or phrase: lol
Definition: laugh out loud. LOL is often used to mean "I am amused".
Similar words or phrases: "literally LOL" "ROFL" "LMAO"
How to respond: "xD" ":D" "lol"

Word or phrase: Literally LOL
Definition: I am literally laughing out loud... I am not merely amused.
Similar words or phrases: "LOL" "ROFL" "LMAO"
How to respond: "yay!" "lol." "awesome!"

Word or phrase: ROFL
Definition: rolling on floor laughing. ROFL is usually only used when someone is literally LOL-ing, but they don't want to waste text characters with "literally LOL".
Similar words or phrases: "Literally LOL" "LOL" "LMAO"
How to respond: (see "Literally LOL")

Word or phrase: LMAO
Definition: Laughing My A** Off. This is usually found mostly on Youtube videos, or teen sites... it's pretty much the same definition or ROFL.
Similar words or phrases: "LOL" "Literally Lol" "ROFL"
How to respond: (see "ROFL")

Word or phrase: ttyl
Definition: talk to you later. Basically meaning, "I'm leaving for anywhere from an hour to... forever. Goodbye."
Similar words or phrases: "g2g" "gtg"
How to respond: "Bye!" "Cya!" "Seeya!" "Goodbye!"

Word or phrase: g2g; alternative spelling; gtg
Definition: Got To Go; Gotta Go. Basically used when someone doesn't have enough time to explain why they're leaving you... or when they simply want to go away as fast as possible. (You've been boring them with your rants about the traffic again, haven't you! tsk tsk.)
Similar words or phrases: "ttyl"
How to respond: (see "ttyl")

Word or phrase: tty After
Definition: Talk To You After. Or, I'm leaving for too long to use "brb"; I have something to do (piano lessons... a class), but I want to talk to you afterward, SO DON'T LEAVE ME; Expect me to text/email/message you in a little while.
Similar words or phrases: "ttyl" "g2g" "gtg" "brb"
How to respond: "kk!" "ttyl!" "alrighty."

Word or phrase: What's up; 'Sup; wazzup; what's new
Definition: What is going on in your life that I haven't heard about? When any of these spellings, it is important to remember two things: that people usually do not actually want to know what is going on and they are simply trying to prolong an obviously boring, meaningless, uninteresting conversation, until you and they hit on something interesting, OR they have something they really want to tell you, but simply find it safer to ask YOU what's up, so that when you say, "not much, you?" they can talk, and say that you asked. (NOTE: there are of course the exceptions... kind people who use these phrases even though they really DO care about what is going on in your life. Make sure you know who is talking to you, before you reply with one of the suggested responses.)
Similar words or phrases: (n/a)
How to respond: "Nm, you?" "Nothing..." "eh... you?"

Word or phrase: NM
Definition: not much. This is exactly as it is abbreviated.
Similar words or phrases: (N/A)
How to respond: (N/A)