Sunday, January 13, 2013

Girl Scout Cookies: What They Mean to You

It's that time of the year again, where we put on two sweaters, a coat, gloves, scarves, two hats, socks, boots, and venture out into the realm of grumpy non-sugar eating grandparents-with-Girl-Scout-granddaughters strangers to sell them cookies.

Now, let's face it. Everyone loves Girl Scout cookies. There's always a type that you're going to love, even if you're a weirdo and don't like Thin Mints.
...You think I'm joking, but a few of my closest friends can't stand 'em.

We also all know the mission behind the Campain of Ruthlessly Harassing People to Buy Cookies. That is, we're trying to fundraise to go do a special trip, to go somewhere, or just to fund our troop for another year so we can go ask people to buy stuff from us next year.
It's a vicious cycle.

But what the actual person doesn't know is what Girl Scout cookies mean to them. Yes, we all know that you're "supporting your local Girl Scout troop!" when you buy a box of Savannah Smiles, but do you really know where your money is going?

Let me break it down for you.
The majority of the money goes to the Girl Scouts to take care of our camps, to pay the bakers, and to otherwise run the organization.
The meager .80 cents we get?
It goes to fund our vacation.


So while you're enjoying your delicious boxes of Tagalongs at your kitchen, you're also allowing my troop to go out and enjoy our Tagalongs (yes we buy them from ourselves, silly) while sitting on a beach in Georgia.

Wait, what?

Oh, yes. Did "fund our trips" sound more noble than "throw money at me so I can go on a vacation this year"?
Why do you think we're not as brutally honest as we could be?

I'll tell you why.
"Would you please buy some Girl Scout cookies" translates to "BUY THE FREAKING COOKIES MY FEET ARE GOING TO FALL OFF FROM THE COLD."
"Thank you for supporting my troop" translates to "WOOT. I'M ALMOST A DOLLAR CLOSER TO MY $850 GOAL TO GO TO GEORGIA!!!!!"
"Thank you anyway" translates to "You miserable jerk."
"Good morning!" translates to "I'm about to harass you to buy some stuff at me"
"I'm selling cookies!" translates to "Throw money at my face! Fund my vacation, lowly minions and strangers! I'll bribe you with cookies!"

But seriously, that's what's going on here.
We're using the art of manipulation to force strangers to pay for our vacations.

But hey.
It works.

1 comment:

Rose said...

I'm not a Girl Scout (almost 200% sure it's an American thing) but I have heard of this distressing-sounding business of selling cookies. It sounds, uhm, interesting. My question is this: where in the name of trousers do you get the cookies? Are shipments transported to your Girl Scout branch (or whatever you call it) and handed out? This gap in my knowledge bugs me.