Open Letter to my Dear Coworkers

Dear coworkers,

I appreciate your dedication to not doing your job. You are truly talented, creative people. In particular, I admire the morning crew (a whopping five or six people!) for managing to do absolutely nothing in the way of cleaning for a whole eight hours! Even when Iris is there, or when you're working in the evening with myself, I admire the way that you avoid doing any sort of cleaning at all; whether it means sitting and 'doing homework,' or hiding in the back, or just filling up the front of the ice shuttle so it's still empty, you have created an art out of laziness.

Also, I would like to thank you for the way that you don't collapse boxes before throwing them in the garbage. By refusing to take the five minutes to collapse them, you manage to fill the dumpster within seconds, leaving an enormous pile of garbage which won't fit in the dumpster unless I climb in and remove everything you've done so far. On a related note, I appreciate how dedicated you are to not throwing away your own garbage... Saturday and Sunday morning crews, I'm looking DIRECTLY at you. Thank you for pulling all of my garbage cans in the back into the center of the room and piling them high with garbage... and then leaving. It means I have a full 20 minutes of work to do before I can even begin to start the baking (or cleaning the dishes you leave in the sink!)

In addition, I would also like to say that I admire your skill in avoiding work completely. As in not coming in. I'm not stupid; I know you aren't sick when you call in. I also know that when you call and ask me every week to take the same shift because you don't feel good, it's because you have a thing with your friends and you just can't be bothered to work. I also admire your courage in simply not showing up to work, especially when you do so repeatedly. That's something that I would never have the guts (or motivation) to do. You take slacking to a whole new level of lazy.

Thank you for all you (don't) do to help.

- Angela